Oh, The Humanity!

I don't know what happened.
Last week was terrible.

I have been doing a lot of brainstorming, but I can find no definitive point in time where everything fell apart.  It just seemed like the whole world was out to get me, for real!

Wanna know what went wrong?  Here's a sample of the way my week went-

I lost my temper with the boys- but it was because they woke the baby up twice with their bickering and I DID tell them to be quiet but they didn't listen. And did I mention they woke him up twice?  Yes.  TWICE!

I lost my temper with my husband- but it can be so hard sometimes because he works so many hours and then he's so tired and the yard is a mess and he keeps forgetting to do things that I ask him about.

The kids are driving me nuts because it's the middle of summer and they are around each other too much and pick silly fights and annoy each other out of boredom.  I am always the one who has to make things right between them and it gets really old.  I started thinking maybe I should get a job.  Hey, I'm already working law enforcement practically on a full time basis in my own home.

I get unhappy with my station in life right now.  All I do is clean up messes and break up fights and sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck in this rut, making the same old dinners, sweeping the same floors, and changing the same dirty diapers over and over again and what I WANT to be doing is studying the word and writing and speaking and being Awesome Christian Wonder Woman who has all the right answers.
Day after day the week wouldn't let up with hardships!  Each night I was so drained I couldn't WAIT to hit my prayer time!  I needed a word from God to get me through this!  I prayed and meditated on his word.

 ...And nothing.

I started to get nervous, have I become Samson?  Has the Spirit of the Lord left me?  What am I doing wrong, God?  Desperately, I sought and sought and the week kept going full steam ahead to Crappy Town, ...and still nothing.

In making this list of what went wrong this past week I finally figured out my problems.  I'll be brief, but I made several key mistakes this past week:

1. How I react to a situation is solely on my shoulders.  I can never blame my reaction to a problem on another person's behavior.  I always have the choice.  I can either fly off the handle or exercise self-control.  

2. I need to stop making excuses and complaining.  It never makes me feel better and it just makes everything that follows after that feel and seem worse.  (This is my Broken Record Lesson- I have to keep learning it over and over again!)

3. And the Big Deal Lesson of the Day- As a Christian, I am different than those in the world.  My current situation does not define who I am or even give any indication of where I will be in the future.  I am a NEW creation and my God is limitless!  I cannot allow the enemy to manipulate my self worth in this way!

4. Also, I noticed that in my desperation I expected God to come rushing to my aid and to prop up my failing self esteem.  He isn't going to waste his time doing this, and honestly, if he did I would never learn to rest on him.  He is my source and He has already made it clear he has an awesome plan for my life.  It is my job to not allow doubt to creep in and steal his promises.  Proverbs 3:5 was for me last week-
  
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

My understanding stinks!  Although I am getting stronger in my faith by the day, every once in a while I fall for this dumb stuff.  Complaining, frustration, depression, low self worth, it's all hogwash from the enemy, and sad to say, he successfully side tracked me for a whole week!

I was so glad the Holy Spirit snapped me back into reality.  Jesus gives us his Grace daily, sometimes hourly- I really need it because I mess up like this more than I care to admit.

...Oh, and I forgot- do I get to blame it on my hormones, too?  Sorry!  :)