Ok, so what if I told you that loneliness is an illusion?
Well, when was the last time you were truly alone -even if only for 24 hours? Even that amount of time is practically nothing, and most of us can't say we've gone that long without at least being in the same room as a relative, or answering the phone, or even checking your Facebook account.
I have been dealing with feelings of loneliness. Yes, the old banana in the fridge drawer again, that's me. It isn't every day, but its often. Yet I am hardly alone with three sons under the age of 11, a husband, and a dog almost constantly by my side, so what is causing this feeling?
My suspicion is that it is an illusion. Do you know that the more I have expressed what I am going through with other believers, the more I am finding out I am not the only one dealing with "perceived isolation"? Many of us are struggling with it. In fact, many STRONG, spirit-filled Christians are dealing with it. It leads me to only one conclusion- it is an attack.
Have you felt some loneliness, depression, or isolated feelings lately? Or maybe you felt that the stress you have been dealing with was somehow impossible to share with others? Impossible to overcome? You are not alone. Satan's tricks might work for a time, but not for forever, and never can persist when a believer holds her bible open and her heart out to the Father.
There are several instances in the bible when the prophets felt intense loneliness. Elijah, Ezekiel, and even Jeremiah all suffered bouts of loneliness, depression, and feelings of dejection. Curiously, all of these isolated feelings occurred either immediately after or right before a major move of God in their lives.
Have you felt isolated? Depressed? Abandoned? I believe this to be a direct assault from the enemy, a "divide and conquer" strategy aimed at leaving your faith bruised and bleeding and left for dead upon the ground. He is running out of options and precious time to do anything about it. In these last days God IS pouring out his spirit upon the people. People of the earth are dreaming dreams and seeing visions and healing the sick. The Holy Spirit is pouring out an anointing of a magnitude never seen before. If you are under attack, it is not without good reason. But now is not the time to give in and wallow, but the time to pick up your sword and press on.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
No Man is an Island.
Depression is a funny thing. It can hold such turmoil, but socially it has been glamorized and makes for a pretty good excuse to do anything these days. Anytime anybody in the public eye has a substance abuse problem they usually try to blame it 100% on depression (or their parents) and not cite their lack of self-control. There is a certain type of uber-emo self-pity personality that loves to share their depression. Most people that face it daily are not going to come out and say they deal with it, but because of the uber-emos, depression is now more acceptable to talk about, which in a way is a good thing.
Not so much with loneliness. To be lonely is so pathetic, isn't it? I mean, if you are looking for people to feel sorry for you, they will, but not in the way our attention-getting friends would even like. (kinda like you're the last banana in the fridge that got too ripe and nobody wants it!) Very few people, even the ones that obviously MUST be lonely (the elderly, widow/ers, etc.) wish to make it known. So I'm saying all these things to tell you that right now I struggle with loneliness. I live in a house with three boys, a husband, a dog, and my mom next door and I get very lonely.
My family is going through some immense changes. I love the passages in the Bible that talk about me being the clay and the Lord as the potter, but right now I feel like the clay in the big mechanized factory. No gradual hand-molded slight changes here, they are all big changes, like being shoved into one new mold after another, all in a small amount of time.
The Holy Spirit told me to quit my job, so I did. The daily interaction with all those people is gone.
The Holy Spirit told us to abruptly change churches, and we obeyed. We went from a church we'd grown up in, full of family and close friends, to one in which we knew nobody. (I'll save this for another post though, it IS a good story.)
Every bond I had, every avenue I thought I was in control of in my life, my God has totally redirected. Building new bonds takes time, and while I am not sorry I followed Him, it isn't always easy.
So although it is not hip, yes, I am kinda lonely right now. I'm a loner, baby. A rebel.
I say all that to say this- The other day I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing went right for me and I really just needed a "somebody". Well, unfortunately for God, he's always the somebody that has to hear my complaint. (Sometimes I'm just tired and he tells me just to go to bed and quit worrying about it!) Anyways, so I'm feeling like I don't have a friend in the world and he directed me to read Matthew 26:36. To paraphrase, it is when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, Now, I really hate reading about the events leading up to the crucifixion. Although necessary for my redemption, I hate to think about the torment Jesus went through. Nevertheless, I did as instructed. I read down through Jesus praying in the Garden while the disciples kept falling asleep on him (dude, c'mon) and up through his betrayal and arrest. Then I hit verse 56:
"...But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples deserted him and fled."
It is true that there is no condition that we will experience in this life that our Lord Jesus did not have to endure. Think about this- Facing his imminent death, begging the Father for a way out, yet knowing there isn't one, and then assigning himself to his fate and arrest, Jesus finds himself with his closest friends, the guys that he ate with and traveled with and revealed his heart to, the ones he hand picked to take his message throughout the globe once he goes to heaven, these men fled. They fled! His best friends, his brothers, deserted him right when he needed them most. Now THAT is loneliness. He was alone, too! I love the personal aspect of my relationship with Christ- I will never know the loneliness that he has had to endure because he is always with me. If you keep reading through to the very end of Matthew (26:20) you'll find his promise:
"...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"
When you deal with loneliness or depression or any type of inner turmoil, he's been there. He knows that very same sadness and it is only too fresh in his mind. It so affected him that he never wants you to have to experience it, that sad solitude he knows only too well.
Monday, August 11, 2014
Not just a bad vacation.
Please, join me in prayer this week for some special people:
Just last week some dear members of my husband's family went to Uganda. This country and some of the surrounding territories have been engaged in some of the most horrific civil wars of our generation. Hearing tales of the illnesses, the bugs, and even the horror stories of what everyday life is like for some of the people, it might as well be an alien planet, as far removed as it is from the lifestyle we have in these United States. To be in this area of the world can only be a desire transplanted directly from God's heart into the heart of this amazing couple, in my opinion.
Also, a team from our church is going to Haiti this week. Realife Church in Salem, Ohio is sending 11 brave Christians whose hearts have also heard a call from God. Like Uganda, Haiti is a country trapped in poverty. Witchcraft is not practiced behind closed doors, but in fact proclaimed as a national religion. The people are still devastated from a 2010 earthquake that destroyed what little they once had. In recent months Christian pastors in the Port-Au-Prince area have been attacked, some even killed.
These two groups of people have been on my heart in recent weeks as the preparations were/are made for their departures. The Holy Spirit keeps them on my mind and I have prayed as often as He reminds me, throughout the day. This past Sunday, we were having a send off for our Haiti group, and that morning during worship, I was fervent as ever on claiming their safety as they traveled. But then, something kinda funny happened. The Holy Spirit rebuked me.
"Stop it. Stop praying for their safety all the time."
I stopped. Surely I'd heard that wrong. I waited a little bit to see if there would be any more to this. Unfortunately I can tell you I've been corrected enough by the Holy Spirit that I knew that the explanation was on its way, and I was not disappointed.
"Safety is not as important as work for the kingdom."
Eureka! Lightbulb! Ding Ding Ding!
You see, all this time I was praying primarily for safety. Sure, I'd throw a little mumble of "and hearts be open and receive your word" at the end, and I am sincere in wanting to see a great movement, but the TRUE desire of my heart was for mainly the safety of those that I care about. (this is why the Holy Spirit is vital if you wish to grow your faith! In Jeremiah 17:9 we read "the heart is deceitful above all things..." and it is the Holy Spirit who weeds out the truth in us!)
The fact is, if each group goes to their respective locations, and are kept in a perfect safety bubble the entire time, they may miss out on the very people that need them the most. It would render the situation into just a bad vacation with no a/c. Does this mean that God is saying He will not keep them safe? Absolutely not! The key lesson here for me is that I need to stop being so selfish. This is not a vacation for these people, they are going because a desire to do work for HIS kingdom has been placed in their hearts. I had to stop being such a hindrance to the gospel. I will continue to pray for their safety, but more importantly, that the work that has been set before them gets done.
Just last week some dear members of my husband's family went to Uganda. This country and some of the surrounding territories have been engaged in some of the most horrific civil wars of our generation. Hearing tales of the illnesses, the bugs, and even the horror stories of what everyday life is like for some of the people, it might as well be an alien planet, as far removed as it is from the lifestyle we have in these United States. To be in this area of the world can only be a desire transplanted directly from God's heart into the heart of this amazing couple, in my opinion.
Also, a team from our church is going to Haiti this week. Realife Church in Salem, Ohio is sending 11 brave Christians whose hearts have also heard a call from God. Like Uganda, Haiti is a country trapped in poverty. Witchcraft is not practiced behind closed doors, but in fact proclaimed as a national religion. The people are still devastated from a 2010 earthquake that destroyed what little they once had. In recent months Christian pastors in the Port-Au-Prince area have been attacked, some even killed.
These two groups of people have been on my heart in recent weeks as the preparations were/are made for their departures. The Holy Spirit keeps them on my mind and I have prayed as often as He reminds me, throughout the day. This past Sunday, we were having a send off for our Haiti group, and that morning during worship, I was fervent as ever on claiming their safety as they traveled. But then, something kinda funny happened. The Holy Spirit rebuked me.
"Stop it. Stop praying for their safety all the time."
I stopped. Surely I'd heard that wrong. I waited a little bit to see if there would be any more to this. Unfortunately I can tell you I've been corrected enough by the Holy Spirit that I knew that the explanation was on its way, and I was not disappointed.
"Safety is not as important as work for the kingdom."
Eureka! Lightbulb! Ding Ding Ding!
You see, all this time I was praying primarily for safety. Sure, I'd throw a little mumble of "and hearts be open and receive your word" at the end, and I am sincere in wanting to see a great movement, but the TRUE desire of my heart was for mainly the safety of those that I care about. (this is why the Holy Spirit is vital if you wish to grow your faith! In Jeremiah 17:9 we read "the heart is deceitful above all things..." and it is the Holy Spirit who weeds out the truth in us!)
The fact is, if each group goes to their respective locations, and are kept in a perfect safety bubble the entire time, they may miss out on the very people that need them the most. It would render the situation into just a bad vacation with no a/c. Does this mean that God is saying He will not keep them safe? Absolutely not! The key lesson here for me is that I need to stop being so selfish. This is not a vacation for these people, they are going because a desire to do work for HIS kingdom has been placed in their hearts. I had to stop being such a hindrance to the gospel. I will continue to pray for their safety, but more importantly, that the work that has been set before them gets done.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Who is Jesus eating lunch with today?
The situation today plays out eerily like the times when Jesus was on the earth, only the demographics have changed. Instead of finding Jesus among the prostitutes and tax collectors that were looked down upon by the religious establishment of his day, I feel if Jesus was physically here on earth we would find him elsewhere. (although I really DO think a lunch break with Jesus would be great for the IRS!) If Jesus was on earth today you wouldn't find him at Arby's having lunch with the local church board members, but among the gays and illegal immigrants. These are the most spiritually and politically vulnerable members of our society. The very ones the church is afraid of helping.
Often the response of the church to gays is condemnation. I do not disagree that God sees homosexuality as a sin, but condemnation never saved anybody. Only the grace and all-encompassing love of Jesus can do that. We don't need to keep telling Gay people over and over that we think what they're doing is wrong, they've heard it. What we need to do to help them is simply give them what they want. They want equal treatment, so tell them about Jesus, just like you would anybody else! Once saved and spirit filled, the Holy Spirit will take care of the rest, like he has done in the past with myself and you. Nothing and no one is beyond His power and love.
Stop worrying, Christians, about whether it's a hot button issue or whether you might make people angry (Jesus never let it bother him). Most of all, get your focus off of the sin and onto the Savior. Satan is using the preoccupation with the sin as his weapon, that is why "Gay Rights" and "Gay Marriage" is such an issue. Think about it- although tragic, the fact is that the number of heterosexual couples in this country choosing NOT to marry is on the rise, so if marriage is something mainstream pop culture is afraid of and thinks is old-fashioned, why is it that gay people desire it so badly? It is Satan's way of attempting to disfigure a holy covenant of God and take down as many people as he can with it.
I never used to love all people, but I do now. That's because of the love placed within me by the very author of love. Nobody should love or care for the gays of this country like the Christians! Shame on us!
One more thing:
Don't believe the lie. If anybody tells you that you can do whatever you like, knowing full well that doing it will only bring you personal destruction and ultimately eternal absence from the presence of the God who loves you, they are not your friend. They don't care about you, just your vote!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Oh, The Humanity!
I don't know what happened.
Last week was terrible.
I have been doing a lot of brainstorming, but I can find no definitive point in time where everything fell apart. It just seemed like the whole world was out to get me, for real!
Wanna know what went wrong? Here's a sample of the way my week went-
I lost my temper with the boys- but it was because they woke the baby up twice with their bickering and I DID tell them to be quiet but they didn't listen. And did I mention they woke him up twice? Yes. TWICE!
I lost my temper with my husband- but it can be so hard sometimes because he works so many hours and then he's so tired and the yard is a mess and he keeps forgetting to do things that I ask him about.
The kids are driving me nuts because it's the middle of summer and they are around each other too much and pick silly fights and annoy each other out of boredom. I am always the one who has to make things right between them and it gets really old. I started thinking maybe I should get a job. Hey, I'm already working law enforcement practically on a full time basis in my own home.
I get unhappy with my station in life right now. All I do is clean up messes and break up fights and sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck in this rut, making the same old dinners, sweeping the same floors, and changing the same dirty diapers over and over again and what I WANT to be doing is studying the word and writing and speaking and being Awesome Christian Wonder Woman who has all the right answers.
Day after day the week wouldn't let up with hardships! Each night I was so drained I couldn't WAIT to hit my prayer time! I needed a word from God to get me through this! I prayed and meditated on his word.
...And nothing.
I started to get nervous, have I become Samson? Has the Spirit of the Lord left me? What am I doing wrong, God? Desperately, I sought and sought and the week kept going full steam ahead to Crappy Town, ...and still nothing.
In making this list of what went wrong this past week I finally figured out my problems. I'll be brief, but I made several key mistakes this past week:
1. How I react to a situation is solely on my shoulders. I can never blame my reaction to a problem on another person's behavior. I always have the choice. I can either fly off the handle or exercise self-control.
2. I need to stop making excuses and complaining. It never makes me feel better and it just makes everything that follows after that feel and seem worse. (This is my Broken Record Lesson- I have to keep learning it over and over again!)
3. And the Big Deal Lesson of the Day- As a Christian, I am different than those in the world. My current situation does not define who I am or even give any indication of where I will be in the future. I am a NEW creation and my God is limitless! I cannot allow the enemy to manipulate my self worth in this way!
4. Also, I noticed that in my desperation I expected God to come rushing to my aid and to prop up my failing self esteem. He isn't going to waste his time doing this, and honestly, if he did I would never learn to rest on him. He is my source and He has already made it clear he has an awesome plan for my life. It is my job to not allow doubt to creep in and steal his promises. Proverbs 3:5 was for me last week-
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
My understanding stinks! Although I am getting stronger in my faith by the day, every once in a while I fall for this dumb stuff. Complaining, frustration, depression, low self worth, it's all hogwash from the enemy, and sad to say, he successfully side tracked me for a whole week!
I was so glad the Holy Spirit snapped me back into reality. Jesus gives us his Grace daily, sometimes hourly- I really need it because I mess up like this more than I care to admit.
...Oh, and I forgot- do I get to blame it on my hormones, too? Sorry! :)
Last week was terrible.
I have been doing a lot of brainstorming, but I can find no definitive point in time where everything fell apart. It just seemed like the whole world was out to get me, for real!
Wanna know what went wrong? Here's a sample of the way my week went-
I lost my temper with the boys- but it was because they woke the baby up twice with their bickering and I DID tell them to be quiet but they didn't listen. And did I mention they woke him up twice? Yes. TWICE!
I lost my temper with my husband- but it can be so hard sometimes because he works so many hours and then he's so tired and the yard is a mess and he keeps forgetting to do things that I ask him about.
The kids are driving me nuts because it's the middle of summer and they are around each other too much and pick silly fights and annoy each other out of boredom. I am always the one who has to make things right between them and it gets really old. I started thinking maybe I should get a job. Hey, I'm already working law enforcement practically on a full time basis in my own home.
I get unhappy with my station in life right now. All I do is clean up messes and break up fights and sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck in this rut, making the same old dinners, sweeping the same floors, and changing the same dirty diapers over and over again and what I WANT to be doing is studying the word and writing and speaking and being Awesome Christian Wonder Woman who has all the right answers.
Day after day the week wouldn't let up with hardships! Each night I was so drained I couldn't WAIT to hit my prayer time! I needed a word from God to get me through this! I prayed and meditated on his word.
...And nothing.
I started to get nervous, have I become Samson? Has the Spirit of the Lord left me? What am I doing wrong, God? Desperately, I sought and sought and the week kept going full steam ahead to Crappy Town, ...and still nothing.
In making this list of what went wrong this past week I finally figured out my problems. I'll be brief, but I made several key mistakes this past week:
1. How I react to a situation is solely on my shoulders. I can never blame my reaction to a problem on another person's behavior. I always have the choice. I can either fly off the handle or exercise self-control.
2. I need to stop making excuses and complaining. It never makes me feel better and it just makes everything that follows after that feel and seem worse. (This is my Broken Record Lesson- I have to keep learning it over and over again!)
3. And the Big Deal Lesson of the Day- As a Christian, I am different than those in the world. My current situation does not define who I am or even give any indication of where I will be in the future. I am a NEW creation and my God is limitless! I cannot allow the enemy to manipulate my self worth in this way!
4. Also, I noticed that in my desperation I expected God to come rushing to my aid and to prop up my failing self esteem. He isn't going to waste his time doing this, and honestly, if he did I would never learn to rest on him. He is my source and He has already made it clear he has an awesome plan for my life. It is my job to not allow doubt to creep in and steal his promises. Proverbs 3:5 was for me last week-
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
My understanding stinks! Although I am getting stronger in my faith by the day, every once in a while I fall for this dumb stuff. Complaining, frustration, depression, low self worth, it's all hogwash from the enemy, and sad to say, he successfully side tracked me for a whole week!
I was so glad the Holy Spirit snapped me back into reality. Jesus gives us his Grace daily, sometimes hourly- I really need it because I mess up like this more than I care to admit.
...Oh, and I forgot- do I get to blame it on my hormones, too? Sorry! :)
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
The Condemnation Condition
Condemnation.
I struggle with it, it really bothers me.
I see it almost daily- in public, in private conversation, and quite often in social media, and it stings like salt in a wound. My spirit cringes, for real! This is not what being a Christian is about. There have been times I've caught myself starting to say something only to realize it is coming out as a condemning statement, and I have to stop myself. There is no taking back a spoken word, and my tongue can be so thoughtless. I will have nothing to do with it, it will NEVER be a part of my message.
"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.…" Romans 8:1
Pretty clear to me, how about you? So why then does it keep popping up everywhere I turn?
The Holy Spirit has made me sensitive to the spirit of condemnation in others around me and I know I've caught myself in it, too. Frustrating! My husband has heard me preach this sermon so many times he could probably recite my points by heart (I took pity on you and made this short, so pity that man!), it has been burning in my soul for quite awhile now. My journey of study through this topic has lead me to two essentials in battling condemnation:
1. Truth.
2. Love.
Finally, a pretty simple answer! Both of these principles together will squash condemnation at its very core. What I have witnessed first-hand is that truth spoken without love is a perfect recipe for condemnation, and often falls upon deaf ears. But in the same vein, if you have love without truth, it is merely a smoke and mirrors lie of the devil. Much like a chemical reaction in your high school science lab, these two elements are poison by themselves, but mix them together correctly and you have the ability to create a new product, more beautiful than its parts.
"As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ," Eph. 4:15
(emphasis mine)
We CANNOT and WILL NOT successfully reach ANYONE for Christ when the stink of condemnation taints our breath. So, what's the answer? Put these two verses (Romans 8:1, Ephesians 4:15) deep into our hearts and make a decision to only speak the truth in love. Not just truth, not just love. You're not perfect, and oh, Lord help me, I am FAR from it, but with the Holy Spirit's help we can finally stop treading water in the murky waves and get out there and get some real work done in the body of Christ!
I struggle with it, it really bothers me.
I see it almost daily- in public, in private conversation, and quite often in social media, and it stings like salt in a wound. My spirit cringes, for real! This is not what being a Christian is about. There have been times I've caught myself starting to say something only to realize it is coming out as a condemning statement, and I have to stop myself. There is no taking back a spoken word, and my tongue can be so thoughtless. I will have nothing to do with it, it will NEVER be a part of my message.
"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.…" Romans 8:1
Pretty clear to me, how about you? So why then does it keep popping up everywhere I turn?
The Problem
I see those trapped in the Condemnation Condition as being like a fisherman casting a wide and careless net. In most instances this begins innocently out of genuine Christian concern. However, while you may reel in some who recognize themselves in your blatant highlighting of faults and feel conviction to change, there are an uncountable many more that will be wounded by it. Not MIGHT be, I said WILL be wounded by it. Not to mention you leave behind a huge powder keg for the enemy, who will relentlessly twist and contort it for further confusion and ultimate alienation from Christ. When you feel the urge, I beg you, IT IS NOT WORTH IT!The Holy Spirit has made me sensitive to the spirit of condemnation in others around me and I know I've caught myself in it, too. Frustrating! My husband has heard me preach this sermon so many times he could probably recite my points by heart (I took pity on you and made this short, so pity that man!), it has been burning in my soul for quite awhile now. My journey of study through this topic has lead me to two essentials in battling condemnation:
1. Truth.
2. Love.
Finally, a pretty simple answer! Both of these principles together will squash condemnation at its very core. What I have witnessed first-hand is that truth spoken without love is a perfect recipe for condemnation, and often falls upon deaf ears. But in the same vein, if you have love without truth, it is merely a smoke and mirrors lie of the devil. Much like a chemical reaction in your high school science lab, these two elements are poison by themselves, but mix them together correctly and you have the ability to create a new product, more beautiful than its parts.
"As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ," Eph. 4:15
(emphasis mine)
The Truth and The Love:
I have many times allowed condemnation to escape my lips, some days it is a quite an effort to avoid it! Even writing about condemnation I find myself foreseeing that the possibility exists that it may come across as condemnation against those who are caught in this sad Condemnation Condition. This is not in any way my purpose. I have been working on this blog post for some time, doing my best to speak the Truth in Love and hopefully open some eyes. The reality is that the Condemnation Condition is real and functioning silently as a virus, running rampant through our churches and destroying our testimonies. I love people, I cannot continue to sit by idly and watch the destruction happen!We CANNOT and WILL NOT successfully reach ANYONE for Christ when the stink of condemnation taints our breath. So, what's the answer? Put these two verses (Romans 8:1, Ephesians 4:15) deep into our hearts and make a decision to only speak the truth in love. Not just truth, not just love. You're not perfect, and oh, Lord help me, I am FAR from it, but with the Holy Spirit's help we can finally stop treading water in the murky waves and get out there and get some real work done in the body of Christ!
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Post-It Note Downpayment
Sometimes I get kinda bummed out.
I'm a stay at home mom, which is fabulous, (did I really mean "fabulous"?) but sometimes I get antsy because I would like to be more involved in things. I have a desire to give of myself, to be apart of something. This blog stems from that part of me- the ideas and the desires that I feel are very real, but my world can some days consist only of cleaning butts, wiping noses, and picking up the same toys for the fifteenth time.
Last year while I was still working, we started giving to Missions beyond our regular tithes. I had a little post-it note to keep track, and on it I would record each payment. A mere thirty dollars a month from me but it took care of one missionary family in the field for a month. Last June I quit my job to be a full time mom and I wasn't sure how much wiggle room beyond paying our monthly bills we'd have, but I kept thinking about that missionary family. None of our bills are even under $50, much less $30 a month! Even when we had to tighten our belts a little and maybe I had to do without a little something here or there, I strove to make sure I had that little bit to give to them. It's really not that big of a stretch if you try a little.
At the end of that first year, I pulled out my post-it note and showed my husband and the kids. They weren't impressed with the paper, it was crinkly and had "mom writing" on it. (Oh, hold back your enthusiasm, everyone please!) They looked at it for about two minutes with nothing short of fake half interested amusement. So, I started to tell them the story behind all those entries I'd scribbled down through the year. (enter the "mom-knows-best voice" here) Though I am the one that wrote out the checks, our whole family supported another family just like us. Somewhere in the world this mom and dad not so much unlike us, along with their children, were able to live and reach other people who needed Jesus badly. Our $30 out of each month's wages, an amount that you would easily pay for a new shirt or on a night at the movies or even could easily double or triple in going out to a nice restaurant, instead was entered as a down payment in the Kingdom of God by OUR FAMILY.
I could see my boys' eyes begin to light up as they realized the possibility of what we did together. What did these missionaries accomplish with our support? Did people get saved? Did hungry children get fed? Maybe our missionary family was in a country where Christianity is illegal, and they're handing out Bibles incognito and holding underground church services? (Woo-hoo! Score one for THIS mom for making missionaries sound a bit like James Bond.)
I also explained some "God Economics" to them, that even though we are not physically "in the field" like these missionaries are, because we supported them any blessing they receive will also be ours because we prayed, believed, and supported the cause of Christ through them.
Yeah, I get kinda upset sometimes because I can't do more for people. But there are people who are in the direct position to be helping others, and if the only thing at the moment I can do is to give them some of my resources, it is better than nothing. All the time I get calls from St. Jude Children's Hospital or the American Heart Association, or Cops for Kids or whatever. These may be very valid charities, yes, but I highly doubt they are giving the direct assistance that a missionary in the field can give. In fact, these associations hire full time staff at salaries I will never see and even call centers to make their calls for them, and honestly I'd rather not pay somebody's salary to call me and ask for money. It is our duty as Christians to help the needy and those that need to hear the gospel and until those needs go away, supporting missionaries both monetarily and through my prayers will continue to be my charitable focus.
If you have never considered supporting a missionary, I would most highly recommend it, no matter the amount. Giving through your local church is easy or if you don't have a home church, make sure you do your homework and that the missionary is genuine. Seriously, you won't miss the money and the blessing outweighs any sacrifice to give. When you stop and think about all the dumb stuff we waste our money on (coffee to go, fast food, or that bad haircut a month ago), it might be nice to know that SOMETHING was a good investment.
I'm a stay at home mom, which is fabulous, (did I really mean "fabulous"?) but sometimes I get antsy because I would like to be more involved in things. I have a desire to give of myself, to be apart of something. This blog stems from that part of me- the ideas and the desires that I feel are very real, but my world can some days consist only of cleaning butts, wiping noses, and picking up the same toys for the fifteenth time.
Last year while I was still working, we started giving to Missions beyond our regular tithes. I had a little post-it note to keep track, and on it I would record each payment. A mere thirty dollars a month from me but it took care of one missionary family in the field for a month. Last June I quit my job to be a full time mom and I wasn't sure how much wiggle room beyond paying our monthly bills we'd have, but I kept thinking about that missionary family. None of our bills are even under $50, much less $30 a month! Even when we had to tighten our belts a little and maybe I had to do without a little something here or there, I strove to make sure I had that little bit to give to them. It's really not that big of a stretch if you try a little.
At the end of that first year, I pulled out my post-it note and showed my husband and the kids. They weren't impressed with the paper, it was crinkly and had "mom writing" on it. (Oh, hold back your enthusiasm, everyone please!) They looked at it for about two minutes with nothing short of fake half interested amusement. So, I started to tell them the story behind all those entries I'd scribbled down through the year. (enter the "mom-knows-best voice" here) Though I am the one that wrote out the checks, our whole family supported another family just like us. Somewhere in the world this mom and dad not so much unlike us, along with their children, were able to live and reach other people who needed Jesus badly. Our $30 out of each month's wages, an amount that you would easily pay for a new shirt or on a night at the movies or even could easily double or triple in going out to a nice restaurant, instead was entered as a down payment in the Kingdom of God by OUR FAMILY.
I could see my boys' eyes begin to light up as they realized the possibility of what we did together. What did these missionaries accomplish with our support? Did people get saved? Did hungry children get fed? Maybe our missionary family was in a country where Christianity is illegal, and they're handing out Bibles incognito and holding underground church services? (Woo-hoo! Score one for THIS mom for making missionaries sound a bit like James Bond.)
I also explained some "God Economics" to them, that even though we are not physically "in the field" like these missionaries are, because we supported them any blessing they receive will also be ours because we prayed, believed, and supported the cause of Christ through them.
Yeah, I get kinda upset sometimes because I can't do more for people. But there are people who are in the direct position to be helping others, and if the only thing at the moment I can do is to give them some of my resources, it is better than nothing. All the time I get calls from St. Jude Children's Hospital or the American Heart Association, or Cops for Kids or whatever. These may be very valid charities, yes, but I highly doubt they are giving the direct assistance that a missionary in the field can give. In fact, these associations hire full time staff at salaries I will never see and even call centers to make their calls for them, and honestly I'd rather not pay somebody's salary to call me and ask for money. It is our duty as Christians to help the needy and those that need to hear the gospel and until those needs go away, supporting missionaries both monetarily and through my prayers will continue to be my charitable focus.
If you have never considered supporting a missionary, I would most highly recommend it, no matter the amount. Giving through your local church is easy or if you don't have a home church, make sure you do your homework and that the missionary is genuine. Seriously, you won't miss the money and the blessing outweighs any sacrifice to give. When you stop and think about all the dumb stuff we waste our money on (coffee to go, fast food, or that bad haircut a month ago), it might be nice to know that SOMETHING was a good investment.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
All For This (More of my original fiction)
We first met when she was a little girl.
She came to my house one time with her momma. The family was on hard times, her daddy left them all alone. Who could do that? Leave her pretty young momma with two little ones both under age six? My heart went out to them. I remember her sitting downstairs coloring pictures with some other children. She didn't know it then but I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her clothes were wrinkled, her hair held a damp stale smell of cigarette smoke, but I knew I loved her. She was shy and quiet, and she kept trying to hide her face from the other kids, afraid they'd see the fear and the tears well up in her eyes. I was not easily intimidated and so we became friends.
We got to where we'd talk nearly everyday, sometimes just sit under the pear tree in her backyard and look at the beauty of nature all around us. Everything was perfect until her mom got a job offer in another state and the distance made the relationship fall apart. It was many years until I saw her again. I was at a work Christmas party and she came in the door quickly and sat down near the wall. She didn't want any of my other friends to see her there, didn't think anybody noticed her come in, but I DID. When I entered the room, she looked up at me. I saw the fear, the sadness of a thousand lonely nights melt away when she looked in my eyes. Yes, she remembered ME!
I couldn't stop myself, I blurted out, "I want to be your Forever. I want to hold your hand and be by your side. Please, just say you will!" I extended my hand toward her. A bit forward, yes, but I couldn't take the chance that I'd lose her again.
She smiled at me and nodded. She said she'd always loved me too, but today there just wasn't time. She had to go to work now but she said she'd be back. Next week we'd pick up where we left off.
It was a pretty long week for me. I'm a counselor in a successful practice and that keeps me pretty busy. A lot of people come and go, but I just couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. She was far from perfect, but I'd give everything I had just to spend the rest of our lives together.
Finally the weekend came around again and true to her word, she returned. This time she chose a spot in the middle of a group of our mutual friends from the old days. She hadn't even glanced my way yet until my brother began to speak. She immediately turned her face toward mine. I leaned close and whispered, "Sweetheart, please. Let's not waste anymore time."
She looked into my eyes once again. I could see her love for me like before, but there was something else mixed in there, too. A hurt. A hurt big enough to kill almost every other emotion inside her. Someone so long ago had killed a part of her heart. How could she love again? How could she trust me after what HE had done to her? I wanted her to love me like she used to, to trust that I could take care of her.
She told me she'd been thinking about me all weekend, too. That she just wanted me to scoop her up into my arms and hold her like the old days under that pear tree. She knew my love was like nothing she'd experienced before. But could she TRUST me? Sooner or later I might just take her heart under my heel and grind it into the ground, just like so many others had done... Just like her FATHER. "Call me anytime," I finally said. Maybe some time to think was all she needed to heal.
On and on it went between us for what seemed like months. She never once called. These weekly meetings were my only chance to try to get her to see me for who I AM. How could she let the actions of another person have any bearing on our relationship? Couldn't she see that I would never leave her? That I loved her? Why was she blaming me for what he'd done when all I wanted to do was take her away from those past pains so we could just hang out together like the old days?
Finally I did receive a call from her. Her mother had passed away. She didn't know who else to turn to, so she called me. Others may get offended at this, but I jumped at the chance and drove into town to meet her right where she was. "My darling, I hate to see you in pain like this. Please, let me take care of you. I love you. Just say yes!" Time was running out, she needed to make a decision. I wrapped her in my arms and held her as she started to cry.
We sat like this for a few minutes, when suddenly her crying slowed and she looked up at me. "Yes, I love you", she whispered. My heart soared! After all these years, she finally said yes!
This is it. This is the day that makes it all worthwhile for me. The pain of separation that I felt from my own father, the hurt of the scorn of others, and even when my friends deserted me in my darkest hours. The joy of this moment makes all others fade away. It was worth it to get her back. The cross, the blood, the pain. All for this.
She came to my house one time with her momma. The family was on hard times, her daddy left them all alone. Who could do that? Leave her pretty young momma with two little ones both under age six? My heart went out to them. I remember her sitting downstairs coloring pictures with some other children. She didn't know it then but I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her clothes were wrinkled, her hair held a damp stale smell of cigarette smoke, but I knew I loved her. She was shy and quiet, and she kept trying to hide her face from the other kids, afraid they'd see the fear and the tears well up in her eyes. I was not easily intimidated and so we became friends.
We got to where we'd talk nearly everyday, sometimes just sit under the pear tree in her backyard and look at the beauty of nature all around us. Everything was perfect until her mom got a job offer in another state and the distance made the relationship fall apart. It was many years until I saw her again. I was at a work Christmas party and she came in the door quickly and sat down near the wall. She didn't want any of my other friends to see her there, didn't think anybody noticed her come in, but I DID. When I entered the room, she looked up at me. I saw the fear, the sadness of a thousand lonely nights melt away when she looked in my eyes. Yes, she remembered ME!
I couldn't stop myself, I blurted out, "I want to be your Forever. I want to hold your hand and be by your side. Please, just say you will!" I extended my hand toward her. A bit forward, yes, but I couldn't take the chance that I'd lose her again.
She smiled at me and nodded. She said she'd always loved me too, but today there just wasn't time. She had to go to work now but she said she'd be back. Next week we'd pick up where we left off.
It was a pretty long week for me. I'm a counselor in a successful practice and that keeps me pretty busy. A lot of people come and go, but I just couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. She was far from perfect, but I'd give everything I had just to spend the rest of our lives together.
Finally the weekend came around again and true to her word, she returned. This time she chose a spot in the middle of a group of our mutual friends from the old days. She hadn't even glanced my way yet until my brother began to speak. She immediately turned her face toward mine. I leaned close and whispered, "Sweetheart, please. Let's not waste anymore time."
She looked into my eyes once again. I could see her love for me like before, but there was something else mixed in there, too. A hurt. A hurt big enough to kill almost every other emotion inside her. Someone so long ago had killed a part of her heart. How could she love again? How could she trust me after what HE had done to her? I wanted her to love me like she used to, to trust that I could take care of her.
She told me she'd been thinking about me all weekend, too. That she just wanted me to scoop her up into my arms and hold her like the old days under that pear tree. She knew my love was like nothing she'd experienced before. But could she TRUST me? Sooner or later I might just take her heart under my heel and grind it into the ground, just like so many others had done... Just like her FATHER. "Call me anytime," I finally said. Maybe some time to think was all she needed to heal.
On and on it went between us for what seemed like months. She never once called. These weekly meetings were my only chance to try to get her to see me for who I AM. How could she let the actions of another person have any bearing on our relationship? Couldn't she see that I would never leave her? That I loved her? Why was she blaming me for what he'd done when all I wanted to do was take her away from those past pains so we could just hang out together like the old days?
Finally I did receive a call from her. Her mother had passed away. She didn't know who else to turn to, so she called me. Others may get offended at this, but I jumped at the chance and drove into town to meet her right where she was. "My darling, I hate to see you in pain like this. Please, let me take care of you. I love you. Just say yes!" Time was running out, she needed to make a decision. I wrapped her in my arms and held her as she started to cry.
We sat like this for a few minutes, when suddenly her crying slowed and she looked up at me. "Yes, I love you", she whispered. My heart soared! After all these years, she finally said yes!
This is it. This is the day that makes it all worthwhile for me. The pain of separation that I felt from my own father, the hurt of the scorn of others, and even when my friends deserted me in my darkest hours. The joy of this moment makes all others fade away. It was worth it to get her back. The cross, the blood, the pain. All for this.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Where was My JOY today?
"...Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10
This isn't just a bible verse, this is my life. Eight words, only one of which is even over four letters long. Simple at first, but you know me by now, there's just a few paragraphs more here to read before I'll let you go.
How long have you known me? Maybe a few years, or maybe none at all. When I was in high school I was diagnosed with depression. It had a hold on me for almost eight years. Eight years down the drain! Now fast forward to the awesomeness: for nearly seven years now I have been completely free. No drugs, no doctors, not even a 12 step program. Just freedom.
Every time I read this verse it always brings me back to that dark time in my life- how lost I was. But in my darkest moment of feeling like I had nothing to hold on to, I found the only thing that can keep me going. When He removed the depression so completely from my life it left a large void- a void that was intricately framed to the shape of His supernatural Joy. I have actually had people comment that I am always positive (Heh- not really true, I can be plenty negative at times, but ok!), that my smile is contagious, that I literally light up a room when I enter it. I am not trying to toot my own horn here- this is not of me! All glory is to God- this is me tooting a horn for HIM! When people say these things to me I can't help but smile- if only they knew the other "old" me!!
I still have bad days. Life is still handing me rotten lemons and it's still as much of a struggle to win out. The difference is I AM winning out.
The other day when the baby got sick was SO rough- he absolutely refused to nap and then his overtired little self just would NOT give in when it was time for bed. I was so tired, I wore the stress on my shoulders and then could feel the sadness slowly start creeping in. Oh I hate tired despair! When I finally got my little dear to get some rest, I felt like there was nothing left of me, I was so wiped out. I plopped down in my chair and it wasn't long til I heard that still small voice whisper softly...
"Where was My JOY today?"
It was not condemnation, but rather concern tempered with a smile. He was reminding me of this verse. It serves as something of an inside story between God and me- a reminder of where I've been. Now, because I hold so much of His joy, He was actually calling ME Joy. Like a good friend that misses you asking, "Where was my buddy today?" (Love!)
That's the great thing about God. He never talks down to us, never belittles us. He comes right to your level and speaks in a way that you need to hear the most. He knew just what to say to help me pick my sorry little butt up off the pavement and keep going.
The Joy of the Lord actually IS my strength. It is a tangible thing with me, His Light shining through draws people like moths to a flame. I was thinking tonight about it and I realized that he was also giving me some insight here into my Purpose, how he plans to use me. I am a vessel filled to the brim with His Joy- how awesome is that? Do you have something about you that God is using or plans to use? If you do not yet know, why not ask him to show you!
This isn't just a bible verse, this is my life. Eight words, only one of which is even over four letters long. Simple at first, but you know me by now, there's just a few paragraphs more here to read before I'll let you go.
How long have you known me? Maybe a few years, or maybe none at all. When I was in high school I was diagnosed with depression. It had a hold on me for almost eight years. Eight years down the drain! Now fast forward to the awesomeness: for nearly seven years now I have been completely free. No drugs, no doctors, not even a 12 step program. Just freedom.
Every time I read this verse it always brings me back to that dark time in my life- how lost I was. But in my darkest moment of feeling like I had nothing to hold on to, I found the only thing that can keep me going. When He removed the depression so completely from my life it left a large void- a void that was intricately framed to the shape of His supernatural Joy. I have actually had people comment that I am always positive (Heh- not really true, I can be plenty negative at times, but ok!), that my smile is contagious, that I literally light up a room when I enter it. I am not trying to toot my own horn here- this is not of me! All glory is to God- this is me tooting a horn for HIM! When people say these things to me I can't help but smile- if only they knew the other "old" me!!
I still have bad days. Life is still handing me rotten lemons and it's still as much of a struggle to win out. The difference is I AM winning out.
The other day when the baby got sick was SO rough- he absolutely refused to nap and then his overtired little self just would NOT give in when it was time for bed. I was so tired, I wore the stress on my shoulders and then could feel the sadness slowly start creeping in. Oh I hate tired despair! When I finally got my little dear to get some rest, I felt like there was nothing left of me, I was so wiped out. I plopped down in my chair and it wasn't long til I heard that still small voice whisper softly...
"Where was My JOY today?"
It was not condemnation, but rather concern tempered with a smile. He was reminding me of this verse. It serves as something of an inside story between God and me- a reminder of where I've been. Now, because I hold so much of His joy, He was actually calling ME Joy. Like a good friend that misses you asking, "Where was my buddy today?" (Love!)
That's the great thing about God. He never talks down to us, never belittles us. He comes right to your level and speaks in a way that you need to hear the most. He knew just what to say to help me pick my sorry little butt up off the pavement and keep going.
The Joy of the Lord actually IS my strength. It is a tangible thing with me, His Light shining through draws people like moths to a flame. I was thinking tonight about it and I realized that he was also giving me some insight here into my Purpose, how he plans to use me. I am a vessel filled to the brim with His Joy- how awesome is that? Do you have something about you that God is using or plans to use? If you do not yet know, why not ask him to show you!
Sunday, May 4, 2014
In Those Days
(My brand of fictional writing.)
The bright bright light shining through the kitchen window.
It is still early. The cool hangs on in the air, greets my bare toes on the floor as I make my morning tea. I grab the sugar and the rays coming through the kitchen window touch my skin and warm it against the chill. Even though there's an amazing day ahead of me, a few quiet moments are all I need to prepare for it.
This feeling, this routine. It stirs something deep within. It reminds me of a long forgotten time when I was so breakable. Fragile skin like paper that warmed in the lines of sunlight streaming through that window in our old house. That sun- I thought it was so powerful in those days. Our lazy beagle would wait for me in the dining room, his own little patch of sunlight near my chair.
Oh those days! Those early morning teas meant the world to me- moments before the kids would wake and like a gong jump start me into a new day full of busyness. The memories are fading, they feel almost dreamlike now, was it really fifty years ago? I smile as I let the light play over my fingers. Fifty years?
No, actually that's not quite right. It's been much longer than that. It reminds me of something we used to say in those days- "Time flies when you're having fun". Yes, it certainly has.
A sound behind me jolts me right back into the present- a door.
"Ready to go?"
I turn around when I hear that familiar voice. My face turns upward into a smile as I see my darling husband. "Of course," I answer.
He extends his hand. I reach it with mine and feel him give it a squeeze. He smiles at me and his eyes turn soft. Those same puppy dog dark eyes that I fell in love with when we were, well, remember? Yes. The memory almost makes me laugh.
We thought we were in love then. We didn't even know what love was.
We turn and walk out the door together. Not because we have to, but because today we think it might be fun to do things the old fashioned way.
My untouched cup of tea is still sitting on the kitchen table. It makes HIM laugh but I do still enjoy going through these old motions of everyday activities- like that cup of tea- even though I no longer need such things. As my tea waits for no one its heat escapes in beautiful wisps and curls of steam, and my love and I greet the true source of that Light that was blazing through my window- It's just another day in Paradise.
Valerie Riedman
The bright bright light shining through the kitchen window.
It is still early. The cool hangs on in the air, greets my bare toes on the floor as I make my morning tea. I grab the sugar and the rays coming through the kitchen window touch my skin and warm it against the chill. Even though there's an amazing day ahead of me, a few quiet moments are all I need to prepare for it.
This feeling, this routine. It stirs something deep within. It reminds me of a long forgotten time when I was so breakable. Fragile skin like paper that warmed in the lines of sunlight streaming through that window in our old house. That sun- I thought it was so powerful in those days. Our lazy beagle would wait for me in the dining room, his own little patch of sunlight near my chair.
Oh those days! Those early morning teas meant the world to me- moments before the kids would wake and like a gong jump start me into a new day full of busyness. The memories are fading, they feel almost dreamlike now, was it really fifty years ago? I smile as I let the light play over my fingers. Fifty years?
No, actually that's not quite right. It's been much longer than that. It reminds me of something we used to say in those days- "Time flies when you're having fun". Yes, it certainly has.
A sound behind me jolts me right back into the present- a door.
"Ready to go?"
I turn around when I hear that familiar voice. My face turns upward into a smile as I see my darling husband. "Of course," I answer.
He extends his hand. I reach it with mine and feel him give it a squeeze. He smiles at me and his eyes turn soft. Those same puppy dog dark eyes that I fell in love with when we were, well, remember? Yes. The memory almost makes me laugh.
We thought we were in love then. We didn't even know what love was.
We turn and walk out the door together. Not because we have to, but because today we think it might be fun to do things the old fashioned way.
My untouched cup of tea is still sitting on the kitchen table. It makes HIM laugh but I do still enjoy going through these old motions of everyday activities- like that cup of tea- even though I no longer need such things. As my tea waits for no one its heat escapes in beautiful wisps and curls of steam, and my love and I greet the true source of that Light that was blazing through my window- It's just another day in Paradise.
Valerie Riedman
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Primitive Art
Alright. I started another blog. I had to.
Raising Three Wise Men was and is my official first blog. I love it. It plots the course of our family life- Chad and I raising our three boys to be good Christian men of integrity. However, there are times that I felt an inspiration, a desire, a need to blog about things that didn't quite fit into this category. I needed another place to chart MY journey.
I've been inspired, and this blog is me, and my goal is to be as transparent and true as I can be. I think honesty is Art, merely in it's most primitive form.
You know that I am a Christian and that isn't new, but my relationship with God is. Everyday. Without Him I am nothing. Before Him there were times I literally refused to get up to face another day. But most recently the Holy Spirit has gotten a hold of me. At first I thought (I hate admitting this but, I DID promise only truth here) that his only use was once in awhile in church. But having the Spirit operate in your life is like working out a muscle and the more you use it, the stronger you get. And there's simply so much more to it than just Sunday mornings! Every time I heed the Spirit's call I take one more step out onto the water. He tests my faith, my obedience, and sometimes my patience. I've made a choice to listen to him and am determined to put my hand to the plow and not look back. I don't know what the Spirit has next for me, but I can't wait to see what God's got planned and how he's gonna get me there.
"In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people..." Acts 2:17
This is happening. It is happening now. I am not talking about the end of the world, because who knows when that will be, it could be another 500 years. But I DO know that the Holy Spirit is gaining ground on this earth. Aslan is on the move. If you are not seeing revival, start praying. There's been a change. It will come your way. It is not as obvious as in the past, but people are being set free in ways you wouldn't believe possible.
Just as the Pharisees could not see Jesus for who he really was, do not allow yourself to be blinded to who the Holy Spirit is. He is real and he is with us.
Stronger Than My Heart- This is from a song by Rend Collective called "More than Conquerors".
It gave voice to how I'm changing. I can't say that I've "changed" in the past tense, because it is forever occurring, never finished. You see, I have a strong heart. I am not talking myocardium here, but my Will. My emotions. Ask my husband, that poor man! My problem is that emotions and willpower have ruled me surreptitiously all my life. I'm pretty intense (yea, it's somewhat a "girl thing", but doesn't have to be!) I hated feeling like I was a prisoner to the swelling of my emotions.
As I work on myself I find that I CAN fight the desires of my heart and become a better person, and better understand those around me. Through his viewpoint I see that most people that hurt or attempt to destroy or discredit me are they themselves seething with old wounds, hurts, and fears. My solution? Not drugs or psychotherapy. Something so simple, it's sad how long it took for me to figure it out. I've found the only Someone who is actually Stronger Than My Heart.
Raising Three Wise Men was and is my official first blog. I love it. It plots the course of our family life- Chad and I raising our three boys to be good Christian men of integrity. However, there are times that I felt an inspiration, a desire, a need to blog about things that didn't quite fit into this category. I needed another place to chart MY journey.
I've been inspired, and this blog is me, and my goal is to be as transparent and true as I can be. I think honesty is Art, merely in it's most primitive form.
You know that I am a Christian and that isn't new, but my relationship with God is. Everyday. Without Him I am nothing. Before Him there were times I literally refused to get up to face another day. But most recently the Holy Spirit has gotten a hold of me. At first I thought (I hate admitting this but, I DID promise only truth here) that his only use was once in awhile in church. But having the Spirit operate in your life is like working out a muscle and the more you use it, the stronger you get. And there's simply so much more to it than just Sunday mornings! Every time I heed the Spirit's call I take one more step out onto the water. He tests my faith, my obedience, and sometimes my patience. I've made a choice to listen to him and am determined to put my hand to the plow and not look back. I don't know what the Spirit has next for me, but I can't wait to see what God's got planned and how he's gonna get me there.
"In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people..." Acts 2:17
This is happening. It is happening now. I am not talking about the end of the world, because who knows when that will be, it could be another 500 years. But I DO know that the Holy Spirit is gaining ground on this earth. Aslan is on the move. If you are not seeing revival, start praying. There's been a change. It will come your way. It is not as obvious as in the past, but people are being set free in ways you wouldn't believe possible.
Just as the Pharisees could not see Jesus for who he really was, do not allow yourself to be blinded to who the Holy Spirit is. He is real and he is with us.
Stronger Than My Heart- This is from a song by Rend Collective called "More than Conquerors".
It gave voice to how I'm changing. I can't say that I've "changed" in the past tense, because it is forever occurring, never finished. You see, I have a strong heart. I am not talking myocardium here, but my Will. My emotions. Ask my husband, that poor man! My problem is that emotions and willpower have ruled me surreptitiously all my life. I'm pretty intense (yea, it's somewhat a "girl thing", but doesn't have to be!) I hated feeling like I was a prisoner to the swelling of my emotions.
As I work on myself I find that I CAN fight the desires of my heart and become a better person, and better understand those around me. Through his viewpoint I see that most people that hurt or attempt to destroy or discredit me are they themselves seething with old wounds, hurts, and fears. My solution? Not drugs or psychotherapy. Something so simple, it's sad how long it took for me to figure it out. I've found the only Someone who is actually Stronger Than My Heart.
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