Depression is a funny thing. It can hold such turmoil, but socially it has been glamorized and makes for a pretty good excuse to do anything these days. Anytime anybody in the public eye has a substance abuse problem they usually try to blame it 100% on depression (or their parents) and not cite their lack of self-control. There is a certain type of uber-emo self-pity personality that loves to share their depression. Most people that face it daily are not going to come out and say they deal with it, but because of the uber-emos, depression is now more acceptable to talk about, which in a way is a good thing.
Not so much with loneliness. To be lonely is so pathetic, isn't it? I mean, if you are looking for people to feel sorry for you, they will, but not in the way our attention-getting friends would even like. (kinda like you're the last banana in the fridge that got too ripe and nobody wants it!) Very few people, even the ones that obviously MUST be lonely (the elderly, widow/ers, etc.) wish to make it known. So I'm saying all these things to tell you that right now I struggle with loneliness. I live in a house with three boys, a husband, a dog, and my mom next door and I get very lonely.
My family is going through some immense changes. I love the passages in the Bible that talk about me being the clay and the Lord as the potter, but right now I feel like the clay in the big mechanized factory. No gradual hand-molded slight changes here, they are all big changes, like being shoved into one new mold after another, all in a small amount of time.
The Holy Spirit told me to quit my job, so I did. The daily interaction with all those people is gone.
The Holy Spirit told us to abruptly change churches, and we obeyed. We went from a church we'd grown up in, full of family and close friends, to one in which we knew nobody. (I'll save this for another post though, it IS a good story.)
Every bond I had, every avenue I thought I was in control of in my life, my God has totally redirected. Building new bonds takes time, and while I am not sorry I followed Him, it isn't always easy.
So although it is not hip, yes, I am kinda lonely right now. I'm a loner, baby. A rebel.
I say all that to say this- The other day I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Nothing went right for me and I really just needed a "somebody". Well, unfortunately for God, he's always the somebody that has to hear my complaint. (Sometimes I'm just tired and he tells me just to go to bed and quit worrying about it!) Anyways, so I'm feeling like I don't have a friend in the world and he directed me to read Matthew 26:36. To paraphrase, it is when Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, Now, I really hate reading about the events leading up to the crucifixion. Although necessary for my redemption, I hate to think about the torment Jesus went through. Nevertheless, I did as instructed. I read down through Jesus praying in the Garden while the disciples kept falling asleep on him (dude, c'mon) and up through his betrayal and arrest. Then I hit verse 56:
"...But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples deserted him and fled."
It is true that there is no condition that we will experience in this life that our Lord Jesus did not have to endure. Think about this- Facing his imminent death, begging the Father for a way out, yet knowing there isn't one, and then assigning himself to his fate and arrest, Jesus finds himself with his closest friends, the guys that he ate with and traveled with and revealed his heart to, the ones he hand picked to take his message throughout the globe once he goes to heaven, these men fled. They fled! His best friends, his brothers, deserted him right when he needed them most. Now THAT is loneliness. He was alone, too! I love the personal aspect of my relationship with Christ- I will never know the loneliness that he has had to endure because he is always with me. If you keep reading through to the very end of Matthew (26:20) you'll find his promise:
"...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age"
When you deal with loneliness or depression or any type of inner turmoil, he's been there. He knows that very same sadness and it is only too fresh in his mind. It so affected him that he never wants you to have to experience it, that sad solitude he knows only too well.
No comments:
Post a Comment