We first met when she was a little girl.
She came to my house one time with her momma. The family was on hard times, her daddy left them all alone. Who could do that? Leave her pretty young momma with two little ones both under age six? My heart went out to them. I remember her sitting downstairs coloring pictures with some other children. She didn't know it then but I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her clothes were wrinkled, her hair held a damp stale smell of cigarette smoke, but I knew I loved her. She was shy and quiet, and she kept trying to hide her face from the other kids, afraid they'd see the fear and the tears well up in her eyes. I was not easily intimidated and so we became friends.
We got to where we'd talk nearly everyday, sometimes just sit under the pear tree in her backyard and look at the beauty of nature all around us. Everything was perfect until her mom got a job offer in another state and the distance made the relationship fall apart. It was many years until I saw her again. I was at a work Christmas party and she came in the door quickly and sat down near the wall. She didn't want any of my other friends to see her there, didn't think anybody noticed her come in, but I DID. When I entered the room, she looked up at me. I saw the fear, the sadness of a thousand lonely nights melt away when she looked in my eyes. Yes, she remembered ME!
I couldn't stop myself, I blurted out, "I want to be your Forever. I want to hold your hand and be by your side. Please, just say you will!" I extended my hand toward her. A bit forward, yes, but I couldn't take the chance that I'd lose her again.
She smiled at me and nodded. She said she'd always loved me too, but today there just wasn't time. She had to go to work now but she said she'd be back. Next week we'd pick up where we left off.
It was a pretty long week for me. I'm a counselor in a successful practice and that keeps me pretty busy. A lot of people come and go, but I just couldn't seem to stop thinking about her. She was far from perfect, but I'd give everything I had just to spend the rest of our lives together.
Finally the weekend came around again and true to her word, she returned. This time she chose a spot in the middle of a group of our mutual friends from the old days. She hadn't even glanced my way yet until my brother began to speak. She immediately turned her face toward mine. I leaned close and whispered, "Sweetheart, please. Let's not waste anymore time."
She looked into my eyes once again. I could see her love for me like before, but there was something else mixed in there, too. A hurt. A hurt big enough to kill almost every other emotion inside her. Someone so long ago had killed a part of her heart. How could she love again? How could she trust me after what HE had done to her? I wanted her to love me like she used to, to trust that I could take care of her.
She told me she'd been thinking about me all weekend, too. That she just wanted me to scoop her up into my arms and hold her like the old days under that pear tree. She knew my love was like nothing she'd experienced before. But could she TRUST me? Sooner or later I might just take her heart under my heel and grind it into the ground, just like so many others had done... Just like her FATHER. "Call me anytime," I finally said. Maybe some time to think was all she needed to heal.
On and on it went between us for what seemed like months. She never once called. These weekly meetings were my only chance to try to get her to see me for who I AM. How could she let the actions of another person have any bearing on our relationship? Couldn't she see that I would never leave her? That I loved her? Why was she blaming me for what he'd done when all I wanted to do was take her away from those past pains so we could just hang out together like the old days?
Finally I did receive a call from her. Her mother had passed away. She didn't know who else to turn to, so she called me. Others may get offended at this, but I jumped at the chance and drove into town to meet her right where she was. "My darling, I hate to see you in pain like this. Please, let me take care of you. I love you. Just say yes!" Time was running out, she needed to make a decision. I wrapped her in my arms and held her as she started to cry.
We sat like this for a few minutes, when suddenly her crying slowed and she looked up at me. "Yes, I love you", she whispered. My heart soared! After all these years, she finally said yes!
This is it. This is the day that makes it all worthwhile for me. The pain of separation that I felt from my own father, the hurt of the scorn of others, and even when my friends deserted me in my darkest hours. The joy of this moment makes all others fade away. It was worth it to get her back. The cross, the blood, the pain. All for this.
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