Where was My JOY today?

"...Do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."  Nehemiah 8:10

This isn't just a bible verse, this is my life.  Eight words, only one of which is even over four letters long.  Simple at first, but you know me by now, there's just a few paragraphs more here to read before I'll let you go.

How long have you known me?  Maybe a few years, or maybe none at all.  When I was in high school I was diagnosed with depression.  It had a hold on me for almost eight years.  Eight years down the drain!  Now fast forward to the awesomeness:  for nearly seven years now I have been completely free.  No drugs, no doctors, not even a 12 step program.  Just freedom.

Every time I read this verse it always brings me back to that dark time in my life- how lost I was.  But in my darkest moment of feeling like I had nothing to hold on to, I found the only thing that can keep me going.  When He removed the depression so completely from my life it left a large void- a void that was intricately framed to the shape of His supernatural Joy.  I have actually had people comment that I am always positive (Heh- not really true, I can be plenty negative at times, but ok!), that my smile is contagious, that I literally light up a room when I enter it.  I am not trying to toot my own horn here- this is not of me!  All glory is to God- this is me tooting a horn for HIM!  When people say these things to me I can't help but smile- if only they knew the other "old" me!!

I still have bad days.  Life is still handing me rotten lemons and it's still as much of a struggle to win out.  The difference is I AM winning out.
The other day when the baby got sick was SO rough- he absolutely refused to nap and then his overtired little self just would NOT give in when it was time for bed.  I was so tired, I wore the stress on my shoulders and then could feel the sadness slowly start creeping in.  Oh I hate tired despair!  When I finally got my little dear to get some rest, I felt like there was nothing left of me, I was so wiped out.  I plopped down in my chair and it wasn't long til I heard that still small voice whisper softly...
"Where was My JOY today?" 
It was not condemnation, but rather concern tempered with a smile.  He was reminding me of this verse.  It serves as something of an inside story between God and me- a reminder of where I've been.  Now, because I hold so much of His joy, He was actually calling ME Joy.  Like a good friend that misses you asking, "Where was my buddy today?"  (Love!)
That's the great thing about God.  He never talks down to us, never belittles us.  He comes right to your level and speaks in a way that you need to hear the most.  He knew just what to say to help me pick my sorry little butt up off the pavement and keep going.

The Joy of the Lord actually IS my strength.  It is a tangible thing with me, His Light shining through draws people like moths to a flame.  I was thinking tonight about it and I realized that he was also giving me some insight here into my Purpose, how he plans to use me.  I am a vessel filled to the brim with His Joy- how awesome is that?  Do you have something about you that God is using or plans to use?  If you do not yet know, why not ask him to show you!